They Told Me I Was Everything Read online

  THEY TOLD ME I WAS EVERYTHING

  THE FIRST QUARTO: PART I

  GREGORY ASHE

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  They Told Me I Was Everything

  Copyright © 2020 Gregory Ashe

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law. For permission requests and all other inquiries, contact: [email protected]

  Published by Hodgkin & Blount

  https://www.hodgkinandblount.com/

  [email protected]

  Published 2020

  Printed in the United States of America

  Trade Paperback ISBN: 978-1-63621-003-2

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-63621-002-5

  FALL SEMESTER

  SEPTEMBER 2013

  1

  Auggie grabbed another box from the back of the SUV, eyed the distance to Moriah Court, and said, “Let’s try to find a closer parking spot.”

  “Pussy,” Fer said, elbowing Auggie aside and grabbing another box. “You’re going to be walking your ass off for the next year. Might as well get used to it now.”

  Resting the box on the bumper, Auggie grabbed his phone and tried to get the right angle. He wanted himself, the box, and the outline of the college in the background.

  “Five seconds,” Fer snapped.

  Auggie flashed a huge grin, took the picture, and posted it. He figured that was an easy mid-five figures for likes. He worked the pack of Parliaments out of his sleeve, tapped a cigarette loose, and patted his pockets for his lighter.

  “Christ, you’re a poser,” Fer said.

  “I wasn’t going to smoke it right now,” Auggie said, sticking the Parliament behind one ear.

  Fer grunted, grabbed the heaviest box and plodded off across South Quad.

  Wiping sweat from his forehead—this place was the middle of fucking nowhere, hot as the fucking tropics, and had two-hundred percent humidity—Auggie grabbed a box and followed. Even though classes didn’t start for another week, the quad was busy in the mid-morning: kids tossing a frisbee, three girls in overalls taking turns playing the dulcimer, a shirtless kid with killer abs walking a rope he’d tied between two trees. He fell a couple of times while Auggie was throwing him sidelong looks—killer abs, just really spectacular, and Auggie could make a sweet-ass gif of him tumbling off the rope, so he slowed to grab the video—and then Fer shouted, “Dickcheese, get your ass moving,” and Auggie jogged to catch up.

  Moriah Court was one of the oldest residence halls on Wroxall’s campus; the college itself dated back to the 19th century, and Moriah Court looked old enough to be original. Since it was an official moving day, a cinderblock propped open the heavy security door. They passed the desk, where a black woman in a uniform was on the phone; she waved at Auggie and mimed a pen in the air, and he nodded; he never forgot a chance to give away his autograph. Fer led them to the elevator, where four boys who looked like they’d crawled out of a basement were stacking boxes and bags. The boys looked at each other, looked at Auggie, looked at Fer, and tried to shuffle the bags and boxes to make room.

  “We’ll take the stairs, fellas,” Fer said.

  Auggie tried not to groan.

  “Pussy,” Fer called back.

  “This is why I said I was totally fine moving on my own,” Auggie said.

  “And because you thought Mom would let you keep the car.”

  “I don’t see why I can’t have it out here.”

  “Because you are a dick and a tool and a fuck up,” Fer said kindly.

  They climbed the rest of the way in silence. On the fourth-floor landing, Fer stepped aside and let Auggie take the lead; when Auggie got to the room, he worked the key in the lock and went inside. It was a small space: two twin beds, two desks, a narrow window that only opened an inch, and two cramped closets. One bed already had sheets and a thin plaid coverlet; a pile of sneakers toppled out from the closet, and clothes and boxes were stacked on that side of the room—and, for that matter, on Auggie’s desk.

  “That dickbreath is still in the shower,” Fer said, nodding at the strip of light under the bathroom door; Auggie and his roommate, a guy named Orlando, shared the bathroom with the two guys in the next room. “That’s like thirty minutes, Augustus.”

  Auggie dropped the box on his bed and sat on the mattress.

  Shoving aside Orlando’s stuff, Fer set his box on the desk. “And his shit is on your side of the room.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You can’t let him get away with that kind of shit.”

  “Ok, Fer.”

  “Give him one fucking inch, and he’s going to be all over your shit.”

  “Ok.”

  “Tell him your schedule. Tell him when you need the bathroom so you aren’t late for class.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  Fer wiped his hands on his jeans, taking another look around the room. He was darker than Auggie, his skin a rich brown, and he was taller and bigger. Taller was the part that really bugged Auggie. Why couldn’t his own dad have been taller?

  “You probably think college is like all that porn you read.”

  “Oh my God.”

  “You probably think you’re going to be banging chicks in the library and then coming home and banging some more of them here and then going to class and getting some chick to jerk you off under the desk.”

  “You are so stupid.”

  “You probably think that whole pretty boy makeup channel you’ve got on YouTube is going to be your pussy key.”

  Auggie grabbed his phone again; Fer’s rants often hit six figures of likes, and this sounded like a good one. Auggie would have to do some editing, but the raw material was solid.

  “Point that thing at me,” Fer said, “and I’ll shove it up your chute.”

  Rolling his eyes, Auggie pocketed the phone, unfolded the cardboard flaps of the box, and took out a stack of t-shirts.

  “Hey, dongbait,” Fer said, shoving his shoulder. “I’m talking to you.”

  “I’m listening, Jesus.”

  “College isn’t just about getting girls, ok?”

  “I didn’t say that. You said that.”

  “Yeah, well, Mom’s paying for this shit, ok? So you need to take it seriously.”

  “I am taking it seriously.”

  “You’ve got to be a man now. You can’t just be a kid, ok? You’ve got to learn how to stand on your own two feet.”

  “You’ve got to learn not to talk in clichés,” Auggie muttered.

  “This asshole?” Fer thumbed at the bathroom, where the steady drone of the shower continued. “He’s going to be jerking off into your jockeys if you don’t set some limits.”

  “You are so twisted.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “So am I. You are messed up in the head.”

  Fer mimed jerking off.

  “Goodbye, Fer. Just leave the rest of my boxes and get lost.”

  Fer started to moan as he pretended to stroke himself. Two girls passed the door, paused, and glanced in before hurrying away.

  “Oh my God,” Auggie said, grabbing Fer’s arm and trying to force him out of the room.

  Laughing, Fer dragged Auggie with him toward the stairs. “Come on, asswipe. Let’s get the rest of your stuff.”

  After the third trip, when Orlando was still in the shower, Fer stopped in the middle of the quad and said, “Christ, I got the whole thing fucking backwards.”

  Auggie glanced at where they had parked the Escalade, and then he looked back at Moriah Court. “What?”

  “It’s gay porn, dude. You’re living out your gay porn fantasies.”

  “Fer.”

  “That’s like a staple of gay porn, Augustus. You’re moving into your dorm, the new roommate steps out of the shower, he’s naked, he’s a fucking stud, he bends you over that stack of cardboard boxes and you guys do the two-boy bucking bronco.”

  “You know an awful lot about gay porn.”

  “Sexuality is a buffet,” Fer said, stopping again to point a finger at Auggie. “Gotta get a little of everything on your plate, little bro.”

  “Hold still,” Auggie said.

  “What? Why?”

  “I’m hoping this truck will hit you and kill you.”

  Fer slapped him on the back of the head before Auggie could get away.

  There was only one box left in the back of the SUV. Auggie hoisted it, balanced it, and stepped back while Fer shut the door.

  “You want me to come up and make your bed?”

  Auggie rolled his eyes.

  “You want me to count your socks?”

  “Bye, Fer.”

  Fer surprised him by pulling him into a hug, kissing him on the cheek, and then giving him a noogie so hard that Auggie thought he had a traumatic brain injury.

  “Love ya,” Fer said.

  “Love ya,” Auggie said.

  “You call me if any assholes give you trouble,” Fer said. He hesitat
ed, shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, and looked up the street as he added, “Especially about, you know.”

  “Nobody even knows about that here.”

  “I’m just saying. I’ll drive all the fuck back and kick some fucking ass.”

  Auggie smiled and adjusted the box. “Yeah.”

  “I’ll tell mom you said you missed her.”

  “Do not,” Auggie said. “Don’t you dare.”

  Fer threw him the bird, got into the Escalade, and backed out of the parking stall. A moment later the SUV was turning at the corner, the California plates winking out of sight. Then Auggie was alone with a Missouri sky, Missouri kids, and the un-fucking-bearable Missouri heat. Surrounded by people swarming to move into dorms. Surrounded by kids his age laughing and playing. Surrounded, virtually, by hundreds of thousands of fans who wanted to see his latest video or his next joke. Surrounded in just about every way imaginable, and feeling oh-so-fucking alone right then that he thought he might cry. He pulled a sad face, snapped a few pictures of himself—had to get the jawline right—and scrawled wish you were here on the bottom of the best one. He posted it and figured that it could easily hit high five figures.

  He carried the box back to Moriah Court, climbed the stairs—this time, two girls were moving an electronic keyboard and a brass monkey the size of a Doberman—and let himself back into the dorm room.

  His first thought, upon seeing Orlando for the first time, his roommate standing with a towel around his waist, nothing but muscle on muscle on muscle and a thick pelt of hair on his bare chest, was: oh, fuck, he’s hot.

  His second thought was: fucking Fer, being fucking right again.

  And his third thought, seeing the slight shift in Orlando’s expression when he noticed the elongated moment of attention, was that he, Auggie Lopez, was fucked.

  2

  When Theo got to Liversedge Hall, campus was busy, and he realized that the first official move-in day was in full swing. He arrived later than he would have liked. He had gone to Downing first that morning, just as he went every day now. It was too far for his bad leg, even on the bike, so that meant the bus, and the bus meant being late. Everywhere. All around him, kids—eighteen, most of them, but with eyes and hair and skin like babies—were everywhere: carrying hampers full of clothes, toting bedding, one boy with thirty shirts on hangers slung across his back, a pair of girls carrying what looked like a brass monkey. The damn thing looked tall enough to reach Theo’s knees. And parents. Don’t forget the parents. Moms whipping back and forth between cars and dorms, lugging suitcases and beanbag chairs and posters of teen pop stars. Justin Bieber? Theo had never heard of him, but then again, he wasn’t sure he’d read the name right. The dads, for the most part, puttered around, obviously feeling very important and just as obviously trying to figure out how to look busy. One poor guy was walking in a circle with a screwdriver until a woman with a Jackie O bouffant put her hands on her hips and screamed, “Peter, get the lead out.”

  Once, on the farm, Theo’s dad had had to put down an old mule. The look on Jackie O’s face was eerily similar.

  Theo went inside Liversedge. He filled up his water bottle at the fountain. He checked his bag for pens and pencils and notebooks and for the little Disneyworld keychain that he’d hooked to the inside of the D ring. The front of the keychain’s plastic rectangle showed Sleeping Beauty’s Castle; on the back, Theo had an arm around Ian, and Ian was holding Lana, who’d been two at the time and way too young to appreciate the experience—an argument that had dragged on and on before the trip. In hindsight, Theo wasn’t sure he’d ever admitted that Ian had been right.

  He ducked into the ground-floor men’s room, checked his hair, tried to flatten his beard, which looked absurdly poofy today, and washed his hands. He ended up at the elevators, staring at the brass plate, the up button, the smudged fingerprints.

  Theo was still standing there when Peg walked up, looking a bit like a carnation in her pink summer dress, and delicately pressed the up button with her matching pink nail.

  “Well, Daniel,” she said, her face almost as pink as the nail. “Hello!”

  “Hi, Peg.”

  Her eyes slid to the cane, and Theo wasn’t fast enough to stop himself. He shifted his weight, trying to hide the support.

  “Well,” Peg said. “Aren’t you looking great?”

  “Thank you.”

  “And after everything that happened.”

  Theo nodded.

  “Daniel, I’m really just so terribly sorry.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot.”

  “We were all just so devastated.”

  Theo nodded again. He figured he’d better get it right while he was still in the warmup round.

  “Such a tragedy,” Peg breathed, her pink nails splayed against her pink dress, the whole effect like one giant pink carnation expressing its deepest sympathies.

  “Yes. Yeah.”

  Peg blinked. Her eyeshadow was turquoise, which Theo thought might be a complementary color. The elevator dinged. The doors rattled open. Peg was still frozen with her nails spread against her chest.

  Theo had almost forgotten his line. “It’s, uh, been hard.”

  “You poor dear,” Peg said and started to sob.

  After that, Theo had to help her onto the elevator, and they rode up together to the third floor, where Theo guided Peg into the English department’s main office and got her seated at her desk. Peg ripped tissues out of a box like a magician with handkerchiefs up his sleeve, and Theo filled a paper cup with water and set it by her elbow. By then, Ethel Anne had arrived, and she started crying while she was taking off her coat—never mind that it was September and almost ninety degrees outside. Ethel Anne had to hug Theo, and he had to repeat his performance from the elevator, and then Ethel Anne and Peg had to hug each other, both of them still calling him Daniel for the simple fucking reason that they’d read it on his student account, and somewhere in the middle of the whole fiasco, Theo had to soothe himself by imagining Liversedge Hall imploding and the three of them buried in the rubble.

  When he finally extricated himself, he made his way to his office at the end of the hall, glad that the light was off behind the pebbled glass. He shared the office with two other grad students, and while Dawson rarely showed up to use the space, Grace spent most of her waking hours there. Technically, the semester didn’t start for a week, and Theo was hoping he’d have that time to settle in and—well, adjust was a pretty small word for it. Normalize? Somehow feel like the universe still made sense?

  He let himself into the office. He hadn’t been there since the accident; it smelled the same, a mixture of chai and pencil shavings and old books. Grace had hung four cardigans, one on top of the other, across the back of her seat, and her desk was covered with vinyl clings shaped like flowers and ducks and a Visigoth with a period-appropriate battle axe. Dawson’s desk had only an aging computer, supplied by the department, with what Dawson probably considered a discreet 4/20 sign taped to the side of the CPU. Theo’s desk was bare. Grace had been very thoughtful about that. She had taken down all the pictures, framed and unframed; she had removed all the trinkets from vacations and all the holiday gag gifts. Everything was in a banker’s box shoved into the desk’s knee hole. Theo caught the back of the box with his foot, balanced on the cane, and dragged the box free. He shoved it to the side. He’d have to deal with it eventually.

  Theo had barely powered on his computer when a knock came at the door. The pebbled glass made it impossible to tell who it was, but the spikey hair made him think of Ethel Anne. He considered the window. This was an old building; they had safety proofed everything. And anyway, he was only on the third floor, and he figured a jump would probably only land him in the hospital, and then he’d have to start this whole fucking terrible process over again.

  “Come in,” he said.

  It wasn’t Ethel Anne.

  The kid who stepped into the room was definitely not here for move-in day. He was older, that was part of it, but Theo had been late to college himself—and even later to start grad school—so it wasn’t the only factor that influenced his judgment. No, this kid didn’t move like he was new to the school. He waited respectfully in the doorway, yes, but he didn’t have the freshman timidity that made the kids buzz so fast they were almost hovering. Theo put the kid’s age in the early twenties; the kid had unkempt hair and small, dark eyes.